Doubting

March 7, 2011 § 6 Comments

“Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe.” (John 20:25) I imagine Thomas said these words with tears in his eyes, arms crossed, and maybe with a foot stamp at the end just for emphasis.

I find myself shaking my head at this man who refuses to believe until he touches and sees for himself. I mean seriously his other 10 or so friends testified to the truth. Was he jealous he wasn’t there when Jesus appeared first? Why wasn’t he there? I often wonder. I shake my head and think, “I would never be like Thomas.”

Funny thing about those “nevers” I almost always break them. Things I thought I would never say or do, I say or do them. When I take a serious look at myself, as much as I hate to admit it, I am like Thomas in many ways.

I doubt the things that God has clearly called me to do. This ministry from the blog, to the articles, to the guest posts, and the speaking engagements, I doubt. I wonder if I am reaching anyone. ANYONE….Bueller….

I realize this is ridiculous. I am encouraged by people nearly daily and God keeps opening doors of opportunity that I could never have forced open even if I wanted to. The bottom line? I want things to go on my schedule and I want my ministry to be successful according to my eyes.

So I doubt. I doubt when my blog stats are low. I doubt when my blog stats are high. I question when I don’t have a speaking engagement. I doubt when I do. I come off a month when several doors have begun to open, but I have yet to see if these doors will stay open or slam shut. I must wait and while waiting, doubt starts whispering to my heart. I start to cross my arms and tears develop in my eyes. Like Thomas I say UNLESS God shows up the way I want Him to I just can’t believe it and I stamp my foot for emphasis. Yes, I look a lot like my two-year-old throwing a fit on the floor.

I have been content in the past. I know it will happen in God’s time in His way. This is His ministry and if I reach one person I have done what He called me to do. If I reach hundreds of thousands I have still done what He has called me to do. He knows the timing, the plan, the direction. I don’t need to doubt that. I just have to get busy doing the next thing and leave the results to Him.

What are you doubting today? I would love to hear about your doubts so I can pray for you.

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§ 6 Responses to Doubting

  • Melissa says:

    “I want things to go on my schedule and I want my ministry to be successful according to my eyes.”

    I really connect with this! I have read so many posts today about success and following your dreams and not giving up. Thank you for being another voice in the encouragement of persistence. 🙂

    • I am glad this touched you. When my dreams don’t go the way I think they should I doubt. Oh, but He just wants me to be faithful to do what is next. I am so glad I could encourage you. 😉

  • Jan Coen says:

    Doubting may be akin to anxiousness. We want God to move in “our time.”. I ‘ve been trying hard to recognize this culprit of anxiousness…Philippians says we are to be anxious for NOTHING. Hmm. IT goes on to say. PRAY. Then it tells me the result is PEACE. Possibly this anxiousness is my FLESH, saying,”I’m losing control!” Truth is I need to STOP and pray giving control back to God. I guess a lack of trust is plain and simple, unbelief, I’m so thankful God never gives up on us.

    • So true Jan. When it doesn’t go my way I doubt, get anxious, but God knows. Praying finds peace because it takes my eyes off of me and puts them on Him. I am thankful He is patient too. His grace is wonderfully full!

  • D2 says:

    I, too, am a doubting Thomas. I doubt a lot of things, since I’m a skeptic by nature. Also, having studied engineering, one of the premier truths in science is to doubt everything.

    I have many doubts, but I’ll keep myself to three…

    1. I doubt I’m going to get married some day.
    2. I doubt those closest to me really understand me.
    3. I doubt John 14:6.

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