Socially Inept to Socially Confident in 24 hours

It isn’t easy being me. I don’t mean my life is harder than average. I mean it is exhausting being me.

One Saturday night my husband and I had an event to attend. I only had slight acquaintances with the attendees and a bad attitude. I didn’t want to go, I was uncomfortable, scared, and insecure. I am an awkward teenager again. The one who doesn’t know what to say, to wear, or to who she is. Mostly the awkward teenager in me fears she won’t be accepted.

About 24-hours later, we had another event to attend. This time I knew more of the attendees, I was confident, and excited about going. I had no doubts about what to wear, or say or do. What caused this severe case of social whip-lash? The ugly truth?

Sometimes I fear people more than I fear God. I am self-conscious instead of  God-conscious. I want acceptance and I fear that I am not acceptable. So begins my list of things I am thankful for.

362. God’s forgiveness.
363. God refines me.
364. I enjoyed the event I dreaded.
365. Friends
366. Spring weather
367. Tears that cleanse
368. New doors opening
369. my husband
370. Nerf flag football
371. Nerf dart guns
372. the sound of my kids as they play together
373. laughter
374. friends who think, plan, and minister with
375. the girls I teach at church
376. Silence
377. God’s grace
378. worship music
379. worship living
380. time with my husband holding hands and dreaming dreams

What are you thankful for?

My Not-So-Spiritual SIGH!

I got behind. Out of routine, out of time, out of sync.

Behind in my Chronological Bible reading. I needed to read half of the March 27th reading and all of March 28th reading on March 28th.

Reading the Bible in chronological order means I am in the Old Testament and will be for most of the year. The Old Testament is filled with genealogies, lists of names, strange geographical locations, and extensive descriptions of how to build a tabernacle. Don’t get me wrong, I know that all these things have meaning and reason and order. In fact, I ask God as I read these things to teach me what I need to learn.

Even so, the rebel sigh still escapes my lips as I see a mind numbing list of names I have no hope of pronouncing. So I closed my Bible in my fatigue on March 27th, wondering why I needed a recap of what I just read about who Israel had defeated in their conquest of the Promised Land.

Sweet Rest...

Today as I wrestled with doubts, frustrations, wondering why God is bringing me down a certain road, pondering longing and it remaining unfulfilled, questioning my next steps, I opened my Bible to get caught up. Not only to say I had read my Bible for March 28th, but also to spend some quiet with my LORD. Oh how I needed quiet.

In that raw place I my eyes read Joshua 12 with the heading “A List of Defeated Kings.” My first inclination was to sigh, but my sigh caught in my throat as I came face to face with what I needed. What I need when doubt attempts to tie me down and fear attempts to turn me from my God ordained plow. I need a list. I need a list of kings defeated in my life – defeated only by God’s hand.

I need a list of sin I have overcome through God, of God ordained “coincidences,” of victories in my Spiritual Journey. I need a list. A list that I can bring out to remind myself what God has done and what He is doing in my life. A list that drives away doubt, that reminds me of God’s miraculous provision, that screams of God’s sovereignty during dark times, that recounts when God ordered my steps for His purposes. Yes I need a list in my life, a prayer journal full of God’s answers, a blog recounting what God has taught me, a friend or loved one who walked the road with me and can remind me of my list.

Do you have a list? How do you keep your list? Do you want to start one? I challenge you to start a list with me…Tuesdays at Rethinking My Thinking will become our List Days. Days to share what God is doing in our lives. I can’t wait to hear what He is doing in your lives!

My New Year Word

I love this time of year.
Christmas, the time we celebrate the birth of our God-man,
baby-king, Word-became flesh, God with us.

Then the end of the year.
The time to think back about the year we are leaving
and look forward to the New Year.

I have to admit I am a bit of a sap. I tear up at the thought of the end of the year, good-bye to 2010 never to be again.

Yet I love the possibilities of the new one coming. What new exciting, faith stretching, God-sized thing is God calling me to? What will happen? Who will I meet? Funny how I only plan on the good things, the exciting things, and yet I know hard things are to come as well.

In all my type-A personality, I have never set resolutions or goals because I fear failure. I look at a list of goals and if I don’t make it I think I failed. I have even stopped making lists for daily things. This is not a positive trait. It is just me and through God’s grace, I am working on it.

So in all my thinking about this past year and looking into the next, I have been praying for God to show me what this year was and what God is calling me to do next year….Drum-roll please….

2010 can best be described as stretching…
Serious stretching beyond me.
Letting God take over my hopes and dreams.
Letting Him do it His way and doing it all beyond me.
Opening up my mind and heart to God-sized things He can do if I follow Him.

My word for 2011 is growth.
Now that God has stretched me, I need to grow into the stretched out areas God created in 2010.
I need to persevere.
I need to grow beyond what I think is possible.

What about you? What did God do for you in 2010? What is He calling you to in 2011? Let me know I can’t wait to hear what He is up to!