Doubting

“Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe.” (John 20:25) I imagine Thomas said these words with tears in his eyes, arms crossed, and maybe with a foot stamp at the end just for emphasis.

I find myself shaking my head at this man who refuses to believe until he touches and sees for himself. I mean seriously his other 10 or so friends testified to the truth. Was he jealous he wasn’t there when Jesus appeared first? Why wasn’t he there? I often wonder. I shake my head and think, “I would never be like Thomas.”

Funny thing about those “nevers” I almost always break them. Things I thought I would never say or do, I say or do them. When I take a serious look at myself, as much as I hate to admit it, I am like Thomas in many ways.

I doubt the things that God has clearly called me to do. This ministry from the blog, to the articles, to the guest posts, and the speaking engagements, I doubt. I wonder if I am reaching anyone. ANYONE….Bueller….

I realize this is ridiculous. I am encouraged by people nearly daily and God keeps opening doors of opportunity that I could never have forced open even if I wanted to. The bottom line? I want things to go on my schedule and I want my ministry to be successful according to my eyes.

So I doubt. I doubt when my blog stats are low. I doubt when my blog stats are high. I question when I don’t have a speaking engagement. I doubt when I do. I come off a month when several doors have begun to open, but I have yet to see if these doors will stay open or slam shut. I must wait and while waiting, doubt starts whispering to my heart. I start to cross my arms and tears develop in my eyes. Like Thomas I say UNLESS God shows up the way I want Him to I just can’t believe it and I stamp my foot for emphasis. Yes, I look a lot like my two-year-old throwing a fit on the floor.

I have been content in the past. I know it will happen in God’s time in His way. This is His ministry and if I reach one person I have done what He called me to do. If I reach hundreds of thousands I have still done what He has called me to do. He knows the timing, the plan, the direction. I don’t need to doubt that. I just have to get busy doing the next thing and leave the results to Him.

What are you doubting today? I would love to hear about your doubts so I can pray for you.

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Waiting and Strengthening

Her eyes sparkle with awe, wonder, joy. Suddenly her eyes moisten slightly as sadness darkens her countenance. Her eyes betray her inner struggle, but only briefly.

The joy returns as she bends to talk to my little man.

I recognize the emotion in her eyes. I have seen it before – in the mirror.

It is the joy, awe, wonder that a child, a young child exudes. It is the pure joy of watching an image-bearer begin to figure life out. Oh, but then the stab of reality, the pang of truth. I want what I haven’t been able to have. I want a brand-new image-bearer of my own.

It happened to me the other day. While eating at a restaurant with a friend, a precious infant was seated within reach of me. She had chubby rolls, dark hair, and huge bow atop her precious head. She smiled at me, over and over again. Precious, amazing, a gift – one I may never receive again.

My eyes mist. My heart longs, but somehow there is peace. As if God Himself bent low to wrap me in His arms. In His arms the waiting is somehow easier, pressed against His chest, wrapped in His arms, the love of a Father who holds our tears in a bottle, who is the God of all comfort. When I turn my hopes, plans, and dreams over to Him, as I lay my dreams down at His feet again, my mind is renewed, my heart is strengthened, and my soul is at rest.

As I cling to the foundation, the Precious Corner Stone, Jesus, as I wait on Him, I am strengthened. Isaiah 40:31 says, “Yet those who wait for the LORD Will gain new strength…” It is in the clinging and waiting that I am strengthened.

God asks us to wait to strengthen us for what is next, for what is now, and for what may never be. Isn’t He good to strengthen us?

What are you waiting on God for? Please share so we call be praying for each other!

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Rethinking Rejoicing…

Well, I finally figured out my YouTube issue I had yesterday. So now you can see my vlog! Woo Hoo!

Also I want to thank Julie Gillies for the tweet that inspired this vlog!

Can’t wait to hear what you think! Jump in and share!